Dear Blank Please Blank, Please stop!!

Ok this is my new addiction - Just a warning that it will steal all of your spare time.


Dear Blank Please Blank

Thank You

Dancing with a star makes me feel alight. 

You showed me the worth of the spirit in flight. 

The feel of the willow blowing in the night.

I am free - Thank you.

Good Luck with That

In the event you are ready to absolutely freak out, just do it. Don’t think about it and don’t rationalize shit. Just do it for Christ’s sake. You will feel better instantly. Now later on you’ll feel like death warmed over and everyone will presumably hate you, but hey it will provide you with the instant gratification that you so preciously needed. You’ll pretend or forget that it happened. You’ll jump on twitter or facebook or one of the other famous lose-track-of-time implements and then you’ll see the face of that guy who fucked you over in the 10^th grade and think, what a douche and then you’ll realize “oh yeah I was a total douche this morning” and wham, you’re back in the shitter. Floating around the ether is the bad mojo you put out and you can’t reel it back in to stuff in the bin. As much as you’ll try to meditate and get zen you’ll figure that will last a few minutes until the cat jumps on your head, the dog sniffs your pit and the phone will ring. Of course on the phone will be a solicitor because everyone you know will have heard of the fit you pitched and will want to stay as far away as they can. The telemarketer will piss off as soon as you unleash your mopey crap on him and then again, you’ll be dragging your ass in despair. So go ahead and freak out on your friends and family – good luck with that. 

Vegan Journey

Sitting and thinking of my vegan journey, I think of the adventure I started on when I was 11 years old. My mother didn’t know what to feed a new vegan in the early 80’s so she struck a bargain with me as I started to waste away. She asked that I eat chicken and fish. I reluctantly agreed as I was starving in my bedroom that day.  My truth was wavering and I didn’t yet have the strength and knowledge to stand up for myself.  I continued to eat the way of the excuse-atarian for 22 years.  Until one day I buzzed through a fast food drive-up and got a chicken sandwich – I took it out of the bun and looked at it. It made me gag.  I became a lacto-ovo vegetarian that day. “Don’t worry,” I told my omni husband, “I’m not going vegan.” Apparently I was, I couldn’t make the excuses anymore. I had been a vegan all-along, I was just blocked.

Even though I’ve now been a vegan for 3 ½ years I feel like I’m learning every day. I still have amazingly huge struggles and hurdles. My husband is an ‘open’ omni and it is a less than ideal situation in our home with two daughters but we make it work. We have decided not to push our girls in either direction. But I do not prepare any non-vegan dishes in our home. If my husband wants meat he cooks it himself. It’s up to the girls if they want to eat the flesh. But I do find myself falling back on the excuse-atarian habits of making exceptions for certain meats. No to pepperoni and hot dogs but turkey is all right? No ham or duck but salmon is ok? This plagues me daily.

Last week in a visit to Portland we took a side trip to visit the vegan mini mall. My 7 y.o. decided to buy a t-shirt that said ‘I’m Vegan and I Love You” – She wore it out the door but I gently pulled her aside and mentioned while wearing that shirt she can only eat vegan. She wore the shirt for two days and got many more smiles and comments than negative reactions. Bailey glowed and upon our arrival back to Colorado she continued her proclamation of being vegan. A few days later she told her grandmother that she was now a vegetarian. In a harried response my mother-in-law told her that ‘you’re too young to be a vegetarian.” Later that morning, after being served a giant dish of yogurt Bailey politely pushed it aside, slipped into the other room and told me what grandma said. She said that it made her “really sad.” We talked about what different people believe and that ultimately grandma doesn’t understand what it means to be a vegan. I also mentioned that although she really cares about you, she doesn’t understand. Her confidence was shaken and I just try and support her decisions by answering questions.

I’ve done my best to accept the fact that the support I thought was there was actually not.  It is thought that being vegan is just part of my quirky personality. I am humored.  Let them think that but simply ‘being the vegan in the room’ has made my family and friends think about what it means to eat or not eat animals.

I know my eldest will be a vegan someday; it will be a long journey in a non-vegan family and world. It is my job as a mother to instill the truth in my girls. I hope that they run with that truth and spread the love.

All in love

Loving time with my baby girls. They are growng up so fast. I’m exhausted and mentally drained but I wouldn’t trade anything for the time I have with them. Got a new tattoo – band-aid. To signify the love – general all encompassing love. It will balance out elenchos – It will provide synergy as well – there is control to be had. It’s all done in love.

Cliche

Listening to music on a rainy day
So cliché to be a poet
When thinks are fucked and you know it
Haiti, The Gulf and the state of the nation
What kind of pain are we all in
To stand motionless when cages are full
Monkeys scream and children cry
Hearts and minds undeniably dull
We make ourselves sick with waste
There is no sin so great as haste

Muse

A blank page stares at my face. Glowing white reflecting onto my glasses and make me want to scream. I dance then sit down at the desk once again. My muse was called upon, voila she comes. I write and listen to my own heartbeat.
The muse was hidden in a wooden box. She was alight with fear. She paced back in forth in my mind. Pleading with me to be set free. At last she is freed with the help of a healer who sees the binds and the noose.